How to Pretend You Know Golf Etiquette (Until You Actually Do)

So, you’ve picked up golf and figured out how to swing without injuring yourself - or anyone nearby. Great! But now comes the trickier part: pretending you actually know what you’re doing when it comes to golf etiquette. Don’t worry, we’ve all been there. Golf etiquette in NZ can feel like a secret code, but with a few insider tips, you can look like a seasoned player while still being a beginner.

1. Shhh… Seriously, don’t talk during swings
    This one’s non-negotiable. Even if you just discovered the perfect joke, keep quiet. Nothing screams “rookie” like interrupting someone mid-swing. If in doubt, zip it and nod politely.
   

2. Know who goes first
    On the tee, the player with the lowest score on the previous hole usually goes first. If you’re starting your first round, let the more experienced player lead. Walking out of turn is a classic beginner faux pas - avoid it at all costs. 
   

3. Don’t walk on someone’s putt line
    That invisible line from the ball to the hole is sacred. Stepping on it will earn you frowns, muttered curses, and possibly a lecture. Keep your feet clear, and admire the green from a safe distance.
   

4. Take hats off when shaking hands
    Nothing says “I’m a golfing newbie” like forgetting basic manners. When finishing a hole or the round, remove your hat (or cap) when shaking hands. A small gesture that makes you look like you belong.
   

5. Stop hauling six clubs to the green
    Yes, you might be paranoid about having the right club for every scenario. But carrying your full arsenal onto the green is a dead giveaway that you’re new. One or two clubs are plenty - save the rest for the next tee box. Bonus points if you act like it’s completely natural.
   

6. Know the basic rules of golf
   You don’t need to memorize the rulebook, but understanding a few essentials goes a long way. Don’t step on someone’s line, replace divots, and avoid “accidentally” moving the ball. Golf for beginners is easier when you blend in with the course’s unspoken code.

7. Don’t rush… but don’t take forever either
   Pace of play is a big deal in NZ golf. Moving too fast makes you look clueless, moving too slow makes everyone hate you. Try to match the rhythm of the group in front of you. Pretending you’re in sync with experienced players works wonders.

Hamish Grant