Nine Holes, Nine Excuses: A Golfer’s Survival Kit

Every golfer knows the feeling. You line up the shot, take your swing, and watch in disbelief as the ball veers off like it’s trying to join another group. But don’t worry, with the right excuse you can walk away with your dignity intact.

Hole 1: “I’m just warming up”

It’s the classic opener. A chunked tee shot? A whiff? Doesn’t matter. Just shrug, take another sip of coffee, and mutter, “Still loosening up.” Bonus points if you look like you meant to do it.

Hole 2: “These clubs feel different today”

Blame the equipment early and often. Maybe your grip’s worn, or maybe Mercury’s in retrograde. Either way, your clubs clearly have attitude.

Hole 3: “The wind picked up”

It always does, doesn’t it? Even on a dead-calm day, you can squint at the flag and insist there was a gust. Works 100% of the time.

Hole 4: “I’m working on a swing change”

The pro’s excuse. It sounds technical, sophisticated, and completely unprovable. Say it with confidence and everyone will nod like they understand.

Hole 5: “Must’ve been a bad bounce”

Golf’s ultimate get-out-of-jail-free card. You can’t control the bounce! Blame the course, not the swing. It’s tradition.

Hole 6: “I didn’t want to outdrive you”

This one’s for when your drive barely leaves the tee box. It’s self-deprecating, charming, and buys you a laugh. Just don’t use it twice in the same round.

Hole 7: “The sun was in my eyes”

Night game? Doesn’t matter. Blame the light. Or shadows. Or the reflection off someone’s cart. Keep your options open.

Hole 8: “I rushed that one”

Perfect for bad putts or awkward chips. It implies you could’ve done better, but chose not to. Very humble-hero energy.

Hole 9: “I’m saving my good shots for next week”

The ultimate closer. Nothing like a hint of future greatness to wrap things up. Walk off the green like it was all part of the plan.